I would like to demonstrate my excitement for Vegas by smashing my face on the keyboard a few times, which I will now do:
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The Mountain West Conference tournament begins this week, which means The Road Show is in full effect. Thousands of SDSU fans are on their way North East to our vacation home of the Thomas & Mack Center to defend our back-to-back championship titles.
Are you aware that SDSU has won the last 2 MWC Tourneys? YOU ARE NOW. Did you know we’ve won 3 of the last 6? NOW YOU DO. We seriously run that city.
So what does that mean for you? Well, if you’re reading this, odds are you already have your plans for this weekend and have prepared your livers, made your peace with God and loaded up your cars with as much 4Loko as you can legally transport across state lines. You’ll be in Vegas. You’ll be at the games. And you’ll be drunk. Honestly that’s all we need out of everyone.
But there is strength in numbers. So here is our tentative schedule of events for the weekend.
What, you’re not coming into town Wednesday night? What the hell’s the matter with you? APOLOGIZE FOR NOT PARTYING IMMEDIATELY. Nothing firm happening, other than getting drunk and imposing our will wherever we see fit. YOU’RE GOING DOWN, LIONS AT THE MGM GRAND. (puts on Zuma costume) (punches MGM lion in the face.) WE RUN THIS TOWN, BITCH.
We play at noon. Yes, apparently Vegas has a noon in the morning. But fuck it, this is no time for softness. Be in the T&M parking lot about 10am for tailgating and marching into the arena together. BROTHERHOOD. We play Boise, so try to find a reason to care. Pretend Anthony Drmic is the reason your first dog died. I HAVE YET TO SEE PROOF THAT THIS IS NOT HIS FAULT.
Post-game Thursday, stick around to watch the CSU/TCU game to see is next up on the Aztec Destruction train, rolling into Las Vegas Station. WHOO WHOO, THAT’S THE SOUND OF MURDER COMING YOUR WAY.
Thursday night? Get your self a nice meal off your winnings from betting on the Aztecs that morning, then hit the craps tables with us at Bill’s. WE ARE NOTHING IF NOT CLASSY AS FUCK.
One word: Blondie’s. This sports bar at the Miracle Mile shops in Planet Hollywood does all-you-can-drink happy hour from 3-6. We play at 6, that means 2 hours of SDSU students and alums drinking all they can. WE ARE PUTTING THIS PLACE OUT OF FUCKING BUSINESS AND THAT IS A PROMISE. We dominated this bar last year and it was awesome. Alums buying beer for students. Everyone singing and chanting and generally dominating. Trust me, you don’t want to miss this. BE AT BLONDIE’S BY 3, YOU GUYS.
After the game Friday, we’ll all probably be comatose. Which means time for a short nap. Then get the fuck up, have an Earl of Sandwich. Take a shower and put on your ballerest outfit. HIT THE CLUBS AND OR BARS. SKINNY TIES AND SKINNIER BITCHES.
CHAMPIONSHIP DAY. Get to the arena by 1 PM. “But the game doesn’t start until 4pm!” WRONG, COCKASS. The men’s game is at 4, but the Lady Aztecs will be playing for the crown that day too. It’s not optional that you are in attendance for this. It is mandatory. Anyone caught coming to only the men’s game on Saturday will be branded as permanently soft and shunned.
After we have swept the men’s and women’s tournament championship (after already sweeping the conference regular season championship, player of the year and coach of the year awards. HOT DAMN WE WE ARE FUCKING GREAT) it is time to bask in the glory of our achievements and take part in what as become a tradition after winning these tournaments. Reenacting that scene at the end of Oceans 11, smoking cigars outside the Bellagio. Bonus points for singing about America.
Rage hard this weekend, Show. Rage hard and strong.
No one likes us. We don’t care.
AND WE. WILL. BE. VICTORRRRRIOOOOUUUUSSSSS.