BREAKING NEWS: ESPN 4 TO BE RELEASED FEATURING NONSTOP OHIO VS TEMPLE HIGHLIGHTS

Big news out Bristol, Connecticut as ESPN announced it’s 3rd major cable television network to premiere immediately.

“Nothing could possibly be more important or relevant in sports today than these two MAC teams.” ESPN President George Bodenheimer proclaimed. “We are committed to giving our audience what they want, and we feel this new network will meet the demand.”

Bodenheimer went on announce that because the ratings for the last 6 minutes of the Temple-Ohio game in San Diego increased dramatically, that the Temple-Ohio game would replay non stop in the area on the entire ESPN family of networks until further notice.

“It’s clear that the greater San Diego area is absolutely bananas about both of these great institutions. So we feel strategically, as a business, this is the wise thing to do.”

When asked about the possibility of the increase in ratings due to San Diegians painfully waiting for that irrelevant, pointless, piece of shit game to be over so they could watch their Aztecs play and eventually beat #11 Gonzaga on the road, Bodenheimer looked puzzled.

“They play sports on the west coast??”

Bodenheimer, who was sporting a 1992 University of Miami Gino Torretta Jersey, had to cut the interview short so he wouldn’t miss his tee time with Dave Rose, Bill Grier, and that dude who dressed up as Ambassador Montezuma.

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